2008-01-24T07:49:00.000-08:00

1. I am apparently not allowed to review the flight plan with the pilot before the flight begins.

2. I fear inadvertently calling one of those chicks that work on the plane a "stewardess" and they have a different job title now.

3. I'm a nurse and also Red Cross trained in CPR and if someone has a heart attack I have to tend to them or lose not only my Red Cross certification but my nursing license.

4. The person having a heart attack might be me.

5. Those side exit doors don't look very sturdy to me.

6. Supposedly, odd things happen mid-air, like the ceiling rattles (?). And I worry about the odd things I've NOT been told.

7. They bring around drinks and they don't have my drink of choice: PibbXtra. I know because I called and asked.

8. I could easily get carried away with the beauty of the sky so high up and open a window. I understand this is fairly dangerous.

9. The landing gear might get stuck and I risk being called upon to help manually release it; this happened to my father so it could happen to me.

10. I can imagine that horrid moment when realize I'm on the wrong plane.

11. They will likely show a bad movie and even if I don't have those little headphones, I'd still be seeing it and that bothers me.

12. I like my own music but I don't know if I can take my CD player and huge headphones on the jet.

13. I would like a typed copy of those beginning instructions and I hear they don't give that out.

14. That bridge that goes from the plane into the airport does not look very sturdy to me and from an engineering standpoint, it's just damned hazardous.

15. I don't want my purse x-rayed. I don't care if they dump it and go through the contents, I just don't want it x-rayed.

16. I want those little wings on a pin and I know I won't get them.

17. The bathrooms on jets are supposedly real small and that's just wrong for what you pay.

18. If they find out I'm deaf, they might make me board early with the other cripples and little kids.

19. On second thought, #18 wouldn't be so bad.

20. That carousel thing where you get your luggage frightens me and also someone might steal my stuff.

21. Turbulence.

22. I'm afraid when they say that the seats are floatation devices, I may begin to laugh hysterically and be unable to stop.

23. I want to meet the pilot so badly that I'm afraid I'll badger the chick that works on the plane who is not a stewardess but something else I can't think of the name of.

24. I don't understand what to do with the ticket.

25. I might not see any children and if there are not children at a place, I probably should not be there myself.

26. I might meet some guy on the plane, fall wildly in love and join The Mile High Club and I really don't want to do that.

27. I could throw an embolus.

28. They don't allow smoking and I find this absurd as being in a plane crash carries about a 100% mortality rate whereas smoking carries maybe 97%.

29. I won't have anyone to talk to.

30. They might try to feed me and I've heard about airline food, I don't want it. And I don't want the chick that works on the plane to tell me I have to eat it.

Things That Make Me Uneasy About Commercial Flight